The gist of the article starts at “I decided I wanted to look back at our Slack conversations and see which one of my coworkers was being the rudest and the most unreasonable.” and the pith emerges with “As I went back through that Friday afternoon chat log, I was shocked to see that no one had been hurling insults. There was no one saying mean things about me or attacking my efficacy directly. In fact, what I found was that people had some well put together arguments about why they felt this policy was a bad idea.” and “The monster in this case is not one person, it was created when lots of people, even with great intentions, publicly disagreed with you at the same time. Even kind feedback can come off as caustic and mean when there is a mob of people behind it.”
What’s not said explicitly is that this dynamic happens from the other direction too. After visiting a mass of inarticulate questions respondants are prone to seeing phantasms of laziness and ineptitude in the next thing in front of them, present or not.
In both cases the cure is the same: teaching ourselves to be conscious of our feelings, and the portions of them that are grown from things not present in this moment from these stimuli (words, interactions). I don’t think it’s a practice we can ever finish or be done with, just refine more and more over time and experience.